Today is my son's birthday. Next week, he will enter a very large high school as one of perhaps the ten youngest students on campus. He seems quite quiet and easy-going now. I know better, but that's how he seems. He was a hellish toddler. Strangling his little sister was as important to him then as the X-box is to him now.
Babies change everything. Here's commercial proof:
I'm getting old, and as I follow Facebook and the other means of personal documentation, I've noticed that the next generation is making decisions regarding children. In this case, the number of children they will have. This has led me to revisit my own experience and that of others.
We have a motto in our household: "Two's not enough, but three's too many." It sends a message to both parents and children around here. We can all get overwhelmed by being outnumbered, but there is no part of my mind right now that can imagine life without any of the Henley clan.
In my life, there wasn't much time to consider things. My youngest was a flat-out surprise, coming just as my wife and I were discussing the Henley Population Growth factors. We were just starting to discuss, and the discussion was just starting to get a little intense.
Here are a few ideas to consider for comparison. I'll start with what I feel is the biggest.
If you have two children, there is one (1) relationship that
becomes the basis for everything. If A
& B don’t get along, then it’s over.
As adults, the children will make their own decisions regarding their
familial connections. You can’t “force” them to get along after, say, age 14.
If A & B don’t connect at any point, the presence of C
dilutes the conflicts and naturally serves to maintain the connections.
Further, you have the overall “Zeitgeist” of the kids (in middle of graphic, term used loosely) as
they work together to overtake the parents. As they grow older, they can
physically take you! The process of development as a “team” helps any one
relationship grow. I’m not sure how Michael Vick really feels about Riley Cooper this season, but I do know they are both working on a common goal—winning
a Super Bowl.
I come from a family of three children. In fact, my arrival sparked a trip to the urologist to prevent a fourth (a happy little anecdote my father shared with me upon learning of DeAnn's pregnancy with Katrina). Although my brothers reside near Denver and Minneapolis, we keep regular contact. In fact, I have regular contact with their spouses and children.
My wife comes from a family of two children. She and her brother don't really communicate much. This one imperfect relationship is enough to fracture the whole structure. They don't hate each other or anything like that; but we don't see much of the other side of that family. I see that as a shame, partially because her brother has only one kid and really good stuff like a house on Lake Washington and a boat and a jet-ski and...
On top of all this inter-sibling relationship discussion, getting older means that my children will choose where to spend their time. Having three pretty much solidifies our ability to have family visitors on the holidays. I can see how that matters more, as I prepare to send my eldest to her final year of high school next week...
I come from a family of three children. In fact, my arrival sparked a trip to the urologist to prevent a fourth (a happy little anecdote my father shared with me upon learning of DeAnn's pregnancy with Katrina). Although my brothers reside near Denver and Minneapolis, we keep regular contact. In fact, I have regular contact with their spouses and children.
My wife comes from a family of two children. She and her brother don't really communicate much. This one imperfect relationship is enough to fracture the whole structure. They don't hate each other or anything like that; but we don't see much of the other side of that family. I see that as a shame, partially because her brother has only one kid and really good stuff like a house on Lake Washington and a boat and a jet-ski and...
On top of all this inter-sibling relationship discussion, getting older means that my children will choose where to spend their time. Having three pretty much solidifies our ability to have family visitors on the holidays. I can see how that matters more, as I prepare to send my eldest to her final year of high school next week...
There are disadvantages to a family of five. I'm not going to say it's an easy decision.
- "You just won a Family Four-Pack of Tickets to...!" means little or nothing to you. This American society is set up for two kids and no more.
- You need a minivan--along with its stigma and gasoline ticket. Choose wisely, as you will have said minivan for the duration.
- You can't play "man-to-man" defense as parents; you switch to a "zone defense" For the basketball analogy explanation, click here. The analogy, is actually a good one: it speaks to weakness on the perimeter, gaps in coverage, and the like.
- You will be overwhelmed. This is especially true when they're quite young.
- Grandparents and babysitters will be afraid of three little kids and more hesitant to offer care.
- You will not drive a Cadillac Escalade, wear designer clothing, or fly off to the Super Bowl.
But think about it. What are the "luxuries" in life you want to attain?
My "luxury" is named Katrina Louis. Not Louise, as we instructed. The birth certificate came back, and we were too overwhelmed to check it before it was too late. She's expensive, funny, open, demanding, special--and I can't imagine my life without her. Or Micah. Or Victoria.
Like I said, we have a motto: "Two's not enough, but three's too many."
Days like today I'm happy we got overwhelmed and uncomfortable.
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