Yes, We Have No Bananas

[NB! This post was written while I was held back on the interstate highway in Arkansas for 45 minutes (along with perhaps 1200 or so other vehicles). I was driving my "new" 1999 VW Cabrio home from Philadelphia, and finshing the last leg of the journey the Sunday before Labor Day of 2012. My situation seemed like something to write. You are free to call it a take on American society, women's issues, family issues, or just spit on your computer in disgust. I just found this on my iPhone Notes application. I am sharing it with you in a lighthearted manner. Please accept it as a "holiday break" from the Heavier Things. Happy New Year!]

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Notes from the road:

If you want a banana, and you are traveling west on I-40 through Tennessee and Arkansas, you are S.O.L.

On the other hand, if you would like Adult things, you are in good shape. This is important, as I am an adult who wants a banana. What I choose to do with that banana would be an adult decision. Not that it's any of your business, but I would choose to EAT this hypothetical banana.

There are three major types of adult stores on interstates. One is the adult mega-something. Most look like shacks, but my guess is they go down underground 125' or so, allowing for a true mega-plex/mega-storemega-whatever experience.

Another is the adult outlets. Amazing, this country we live in. Adult video production companies are sending discontinued items and factory seconds to be offered to the public at deep discounts! An entire store of black-and-white dirty pictures and porn out-takes. What's not to love?

Finally, most tempting, are the adult supercenters. This being the home state of Wal-Mart, perhaps you can buy groceries (bananas) there, as well as porn, yarn, novelties, greeting cards, and gifts of ALL kinds. Perhaps they have a pharmacy where you can get both Horny Goat Weed and Lipitor.

Wait. That IS Wal-Mart.

They're allegedly selling peaches by McDonalds, but I'm holding out for a banana. My guess I will remain doing so for all of Arkansas.

[Blogger's Note: There were no bananas in my life that night. No pornography, either.]

Happy New Year! May you find all the bananas you care to buy in 2013,

pth