The Personal Case for Plus Population Growth (+PG)

Today is my son's birthday. Next week, he will enter a very large high school as one of perhaps the ten youngest students on campus. He seems quite quiet and easy-going now. I know better, but that's how he seems. He was a hellish toddler. Strangling his little sister was as important to him then as the X-box is to him now.

Babies change everything. Here's commercial proof:

I'm getting old, and as I follow Facebook and the other means of personal documentation, I've noticed that the next generation is making decisions regarding children.  In this case, the number of children they will have. This has led me to revisit my own experience and that of others.

We have a motto in our household: "Two's not enough, but three's too many." It sends a message to both parents and children around here. We can all get overwhelmed by being outnumbered, but there is no part of my mind right now that can imagine life without any of the Henley clan.

In my life, there wasn't much time to consider things. My youngest was a flat-out surprise, coming just as my wife and I were discussing the Henley Population Growth factors. We were just starting to discuss, and the discussion was just starting to get a little intense.

Here are a few ideas to consider for comparison. I'll start with what I feel is the biggest.

If you have two children, there is one (1) relationship that becomes the basis for everything.  If A & B don’t get along, then it’s over.  As adults, the children will make their own decisions regarding their familial connections. You can’t “force” them to get along after, say, age 14.

If you have three children, it becomes much more complex. Complexity is good, in this case. You can actually draw up a chart to illustrate the graphic:

If A & B don’t connect at any point, the presence of C dilutes the conflicts and naturally serves to maintain the connections.

Further, you have the overall “Zeitgeist” of the kids (in middle of graphic, term used loosely) as they work together to overtake the parents. As they grow older, they can physically take you! The process of development as a “team” helps any one relationship grow. I’m not sure how Michael Vick really feels about Riley Cooper this season, but I do know they are both working on a common goal—winning a Super Bowl. 

I come from a family of three children. In fact, my arrival sparked a trip to the urologist to prevent a fourth (a happy little anecdote my father shared with me upon learning of DeAnn's pregnancy with Katrina). Although my brothers reside near Denver and Minneapolis, we keep regular contact. In fact, I have regular contact with their spouses and children.

My wife comes from a family of two children. She and her brother don't really communicate much. This one imperfect relationship is enough to fracture the whole structure. They don't hate each other or anything like that; but we don't see much of the other side of that family. I see that as a shame, partially because her brother has only one kid and really good stuff like a house on Lake Washington and a boat and a jet-ski and...

On top of all this inter-sibling relationship discussion, getting older means that my children will choose where to spend their time. Having three pretty much solidifies our ability to have family visitors on the holidays. I can see how that matters more, as I prepare to send my eldest to her final year of high school next week...

There are disadvantages to a family of five. I'm not going to say it's an easy decision.

• "You just won a Family Four-Pack of Tickets to...!" means little or nothing to you. This American society is set up for two kids and no more.
• You need a minivan--along with its stigma and gasoline ticket. Choose wisely, as you will have said minivan for the duration.
• You can't play "man-to-man" defense as parents; you switch to a "zone defense" For the basketball analogy explanation, click here. The analogy, is actually a good one: it speaks to weakness on the perimeter, gaps in coverage, and the like.
• You will be overwhelmed. This is especially true when they're quite young.
• Grandparents and babysitters will be afraid of three little kids and more hesitant to offer care.
• You will not drive a Cadillac Escalade, wear designer clothing, or fly off to the Super Bowl.

But think about it. What are the "luxuries" in life you want to attain? 

My "luxury" is named Katrina Louis. Not Louise, as we instructed. The birth certificate came back, and we were too overwhelmed to check it before it was too late. She's expensive, funny, open, demanding, special--and I can't imagine my life without her. Or Micah. Or Victoria.

Like I said, we have a motto: "Two's not enough, but three's too many."

Days like today I'm happy we got overwhelmed and uncomfortable.

Wide Versus Deep

(Hey, I didn't say I was a good photographer!)

There is a LOT of attention paid to what happens in Congress--or even the special group of people in Texas we call legislators. Law becomes rule. Rule becomes policy. Insert the word, code, in either place if it applies where you live or the subject with your greatest attention.
 
Thursday, I attended a meeting at my local city hall. It wasn't a city council meeting. It wasn't even a committee meeting. Rather, it was the precursor to tonight's Parks and Recreation Commission meeting. People came to give input regarding the future of our lake. The city is growing, and the lake is getting more popular. The company hired to assist with lake development threw out some options like wake boarding, interpretive signage, and an amphitheater. The commissioners seemed to want another beach on the lake. There was concern about future developments and building around the lake, and even some thoughts on all of this unused space in the middle (a.k.a., water).

Of course, this is the committee designed to focus on the "fun" aspects of the lake. The key reason for the lake is not really the recreational aspect. The lake provides water to the city. It's a balance, and the City Commission needs to consider all of the weights in that balance. 
 
Most of the big decisions in your life get made close to home. There are options to have your voice heard during the process of these decisions, even if you don't sit on a committee or council. You get a lot of power handed to you by those who aren't paying attention or aren't going to bother with these things.

Life is run by people who show up, and it's not just about rallies for major issues at the state capitol or some alabaster building in Washington. It's more about making things happen in your city, your local school board, your church, or your school's Site-Based Decision-Making committee.

You have more power than you realize. Take it, reader. Take it.

There's a Bonus at the End...

Saw this video on Facebook (not a fan of this video, but it's on YouTube here). It (over-)documents the first in-person meeting of two people who had been video chatting between L.A. & Toronto for "a few months." The accompanying post said this:

"true love, i think everyone in the world would love to have wht they got :)"


I would not. Especially not today.


On this day in 1990, two kids--having dated EXACTLY five years already--got married at ages 23 & 20. That's right...18 & 15 to start. in Texas, that is now referred to as "rape." 

These stupid kids were too young to know this wedding was a big mistake. One that would ruin their lives. We were told as much. We just acted out of youthful promise.  Today, we mark the 23rd anniversary of a mistake that has persevered through hardship, heartbreak, seven states, and three intense children that remind us constantly of the most beautiful stupid thing either of us has done...at least to this point.

Divorce runs rampant in our society. The process is flat-out awful, and we've all seen the gut-wrenching pain that accompanies such breakups. Sometimes, you have to move on. I respect that. Falling in love is exciting. I get that. Still, I can't help feeling that our society feeds us a steady emotional diet of movies and music that focus almost exclusively on the thrill of a new relationship...or the possibility of something better.

I hope Jennifer Lopez can find true love in her next movie. You know...again.

Some Rom-Com Promotion with (formerly) Third Husband

Perhaps Taylor Swift will find a man who doesn't make her so mad. Her next album could then be titled, "Beige."

I hope Bruno Mars gets "taken to paradise" on a regular basis for at least 23 years.

None of these efforts really speaks to me or those in my situation. Unless you're at some milestone year, a wedding anniversary is just another day of being. Not discovering something fascinating and intense, not hitting the mute button on the television and announcing the intent to look for something better, not reaching an emotional extreme--just staying, working on it, forgiving, supporting, foregoing fanfare, accepting the other for who they are, and continuing a lifelong love. 

There isn't much music out there that celebrates staying married, raising kids together, sticking it out. That makes me sad. Not intensely mad! Just sad. I know there's a market for such music; I'm part of that market.

This post is offered to all those celebrating off-year anniversaries. Those looking for a theme song that fits their current love life. Those needing inspiration to keep on doing the hard part--the part where the biggest threat to your love could be the expectation that nothing will change.

Happy 23rd to the snoring woman next to me in bed, the love of my life--and lifetime.

Here's the bonus I promised: a video of a song that get's it pretty close. An absolutely fanfare-free performance by Trout Fishing in America of No Matter What Goes Right. Four minutes that give strength to those still together.

"And when couples fight their troubles it unites their hearts.  When the good times roll, they can drift apart..."

Not to Distract You ...

...but right now, Accidental Devotional is in the middle of posting a four-part series on the new Georgia "merit" system of teacher evaluation and pay. What's happening in Atlanta isn't different than what's happening across the country. Abby is presenting a strong case for your consideration, and I think it merits your attention.

Tell her I sent you. It would be appreciated.

Becoming "Legal"

[Note: There are two wings of this building.]

Yesterday, the United States Senate passed it's version of immigration reform. The vote was 68-32, over a 2/3 majority. We were told that some sort of "immigration reform" bill will be coming from the Senate by July 4 of this year. After all, that's our Independence Day. A worthy goal made! Or was it?

Earlier this month, we had a family visitor. The amount of misinformation out there can be staggering, and it gets worse when people focus only on those that agree with their initial opinions--those from childhood, in most cases. The whole discussion centered around a bottle of mustard from HEB, our local grocery store.

Mostaza is Spanish for mustard. In fact, that's how I know the Spanish word for mustard. A trip through the grocery store can be an educational experience. In this case, it was a sign of "infiltration" by the Mexicans (all Hispanics are Mexicans to some people--one and the same group). As part of the propaganda discussion, the guest moved from immigrant invasion to a comparison of inequality.

In cases like these, I'm not really sure what to say--except "No." I've seen the lines Mexican citizens take to get to the Estadas Unidos on my way back home. I think my wait is long; it's a moment, compared to the hours it takes for a Mexican citizen to convince the Border Patrol or INS that they're really just going to visit their niece in San Antonio. That's just for those trying to visit. Immigrating efforts dwarf that experience.

In reality, it is very, very difficult to become a United States citizen. The process takes years, and there are expectations on immigrants that don't fall on the shoulders of native-born Americans. I've seen blanks where a person who cannot read English (or any language) need only make an "X" to indicate they are ready to vote. Yet, we want our immigrants to understand American history, government, and the laws of a foreign city, county, state, nation, utilities district, school district, and multiple other levels of order.

One of the key hurdles to citizenship is the test administered by the Immigration and Naturalization service. You would think the questions would all be relatively simple and straightforward. They're not.

You can make an attempt at your own perfection by taking the Toast.net Independence Quiz here.

No, really. Try it. I'll wait.

The real problems with immigration reform are yet to come. Soon, we will move from a discussion among Senators to a melee among Representatives in the House. The House is just fine with things as they are. Some are saying that the Senate Republicans who voted for this bill did so knowing that meaningful legislation will never get past the U.S. House of Representatives.

I hope that's a misconception, but it speaks to a major issue. If you never expect a bill to become law, then why would you spend all this precious time on such a battle?

Unfortunately, there is an answer to that question. It feeds that same propaganda machine that caused these problems--and that dinner discussion--in the first place.

A Month Later, We Still Have an Image Problem in Texas

Now that things have settled from that awful week in April 2013, it's time to think again about what happened--and the implications of false beliefs. Boston's reaction is compared to the Texas reaction.

Everybody wrote about explosions and terrorism this past month. I did not. If I seem callous about the Boston Marathon bombings, please forgive me. The coverage has been non-stop, and I worry that important things happening outside of Boston are being ignored by the media in favor of interviews with people who don't know anything. It doesn't seem to change things. The United States Senate (or at least enough of its membership) believes that searching a person's background before they buy a car or Sudafed is legitimate...but background checks for Uzis are just plain anti-American.

And if you don't believe it, yet another terrorist will send Ricin through the mail at you.

[Note: if it's the right to "keep and bear arms," then shouldn't Ricin possession be legal? It's not the right to "keep and bear guns."]

There is one thing that strikes me as near-perfect, though. That is the way that the people of Boston rose up to support the runners. Some were blocked off from their hotels. Many had no flights home, and those on American Airlines may have had to wait yet another day while they figured out how their new merger worked. Suddenly, a large contingent of people started offering their beds, couches...whatever it took...to make sure that participants in the Boston Marathon were cared for.

There was absolutely no reason for them to do this. Doesn't matter. It got done.

I've seen this in New York (9/11) and New Jersey (Superstorm Sandy). The Northeast gets a bad rap as a bunch of liberals, but there's something to be said for people that hold these values. It's not about "my rights." Rather, it's about what's best for the community, the country, the world. Those are the values that won two world wars--not to mention the Civil War. Those are the values that gave votes to such outside groups as slaves...and women.

[Compare that to the people of Steubenville, Ohio. My blog on that is here. The supporting documentation is listed above the blog and also here. That would be a BAD place to have a marathon.]

The most damage from that week didn't come from a Mississippi redneck, and it didn't come from two angry men out of Chechnya. Nope. The biggest killer of the week came from the stereotypical anti-government attitude that runs our country in the red and allows fertilizer plants to go unchecked for 7 years--complete with missing required safety equipment and a missing blast wall.

[Fertilizer...Isn't that what Timothy McVeigh used in the Oklahoma City bombings? Seems like you'd keep an eye on that stuff...]

The federal government didn't want to seem invasive and controlling, so they left the issue to the states. Texas wants to be ultra-super-duper CONSERVATIVE, so they cut budgets and never bothered to check whether the people of West, Texas were safe. It's a great plan...until the whole thing explodes.

Now, state leaders are being called to task through lawsuits and political cartoons. Governor Rick Perry is demanding apologies and searching desperately for a way to blame this on some liberal Democrat. The mantra of Texas Republicans: "It's not my fault!"  What didn't happen was meaningful legislation to protect other towns with fertilizer plants. The legislative session has finished; only a special session on redistricting remains.

I think everyone would be amazed at Mr. Perry taking the podium, being genuine, and apologizing...promising to do better henceforth...and working on making people safe. That would throw me for a loop. In the meantime, he gets angry with cartoonists and threatens to veto any budget that doesn't cut taxes.

[Somehow, a tax cut will revive the dead? Didn't we just cut billions out of this budget two years ago? If times are so good in Texas, why is everybody struggling? Why do Texans die more quickly than other Americans?]

I am surrounded by those who think "Every Man for Himself!" Even the women think that. Here's a bumper sticker showing up on pickups lately.

 (Available for purchase at http://www.amazon.com/MAGNET-Keep-Guns-Freedom-Money/dp/B00276KNQG)

But that's not how Boston handled things. Heroes and goats abound in both places, but a generalization is becoming clear:

Boston is a city full of heroes; West is a town full of victims.

The key difference? The community-minded spirit of the entire city (not just a few key individuals). People looked out for others they didn't know in Boston. West residents spoke often of their ability to know most of the townspeople. Waco has risen to the challenge to help West, but the efforts are charitable more than neighborly. It was Boston's diversity that helped people rise up, even for those they didn't know.

So here's to the straight people who fight for gay people. The men who defend women. The blacks who stand up for the rights of Hispanic immigrants. The people who do what's right, even if it doesn't benefit them--even if the benefactors don't look like them or think like them.

And here's a reminder to the quasi-anarchists, er "conservatives" on the other side: we belong to each other.

Letter from a Birmingham Jail?

[Photo "courtesy" of Westboro Baptist Church. Thanks, Fred!]

Nope: Email from a Pflugerville church, sent "as is" to make you wonder whether it's the email program, the word processing program, the connections, or just a lack of understanding on how all those "word-thingies" work.

After reading this email, you may find it interesting to read the actual Letter from a Birmingham Jail and the Statement by Alabama Clergymen that prompted Dr. King's response. Since both letters came from Baptist roots, you can view Mr. Washburn's words in historical perspective.

It's been 50 years since those two writings. Mr. Washburn (FBCP's head pastor) has spent 2013 asking the state to cut $5,000,000 from the school's funding as punishment for how they handle health benefits.
Do you think he crossed the line in political law? Do you think this is sound judgment? Do you worry that politics and religion are being mixed--or mixed incorrectly?

Perhaps you really like the direct candor of a man who would know that such an email would get to me.

Whatever your thoughts, please feel free to post your reaction in the comments. I'm always interested to see who reads this!

pth

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From: Steve Washburn <steve@fbcpville.org>
Sent: Tue Apr 30 15:45:56 CDT 2013
To: fbcp@fbcpville.org
Subject: [FBCP Mail List] Urgent!

Dear First Baptist Pflugerville Family,

If you live in the Pflugerville Independent School District, I want to call
your attention to something of great importance that needs your personal and


immediate attention. 

Our School Board election is going on RIGHT NOW.  Early voting started
yesterday and will go through next Tuesday, May 7.  Actual Election Day is
on Saturday, May 11th.  Times and voting locations can be found on the


attachment.

EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US NEEDS TO VOTE IN THIS ELECTION!  (Preferably during
this early voting period.)  We need to vote in two races: Place #3 and Place #5.

In any election, there is only one question we need to answer: "For which


candidates does GOD want me to vote?"  As followers of Jesus, we vote for
HIS priorities, not our priorities.  That means we are always, first and
foremost - "Christian Moral Values Voters."  We vote for the candidates who


best represent and defend the Lord's moral values as He reveals them in
Scripture.  

Although there are a number of issues being discussed by all candidates, our
primary concern revolves around the previous decision of the PISD School


Board to extend health insurance benefits to "domestic partners."  This
provision allows employees of PISD to include immoral sexual partners
(heterosexual and homosexual) in their medical insurance benefit plan as


though they were legal spouses.   We are to vote for the candidates in Place
#3 and Place #5 who will oppose this decision.  If you are unclear where the
various candidates stand on this issue, please call a friend who may be more


familiar, or research your decision on-line.

Candidates for Place #3:
Mario Acosta vs Tony Hanson

Candidates for Place #5: Carol Fletcher vs Lance Sandlin

For followers of Jesus, not voting is NOT an option.  Jesus said, "You are


the salt of the earth [salt prevents decay]. But if the salt should lose its
taste, how can it be made salty? It's no longer good for anything but to be
thrown out and trampled on by men. You are the light of the world [light


guides in darkness]. A city situated on a hill cannot be hidden... Let your
light shine before men, so that they may see your good works and give glory
to your Father in heaven" (Matt. 5:13-16).   

As your pastor, let me again tell you how proud I am to serve a group of


individuals so determined to glorify our Lord! Our collective voice will be
heard across Texas and throughout the Kingdom of God!



Dr. Steve Washburn

Steve Washburn, Sr. Pastor

First Baptist Church




306 S. 10th St.

Pflugerville, TX 78660

512-251-3052

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